To say that the play was a smashing success was to put it mildly. The audience laughed and the audience cried, which is pretty much what they were supposed to do. But because of Jamies presence, it really became something special-and I think everyone in the cast was as shocked as I was at how well the whole thing had come off. They all had that same look I did when I first saw her, and it made the play that much more powerful when they were performing their parts. We finished the first performance without a hitch, and the next evening even more people showed up, if you can believe it. Even Eric came up to me afterward and congratulated me, which after what hed said to me before was somewhat of a surprise.
He led me down the hall to the rec room, the same place Id been before. I paused for just a moment to exhale deeply before finally heading in.
I know I was lying, but I didnt care. For once, it was the right thing to do.
To my surprise, I saw that tonight her hair hung loosely, just as it had the night of the play. Instead of the old brown cardigan Id seen so many times, she was wearing a red V-neck sweater that somehow accentuated the color of her light blue eyes. Even without sparkles in her hair or a long white flowing dress, the sight of her was arresting. Without even noticing it, Id been holding my breath, and I could see Mr. Jenkins smiling at me out of the corner of my eye. I exhaled and smiled, trying to regain control.
The "right thing," I realized, wasnt so bad after all.
By the time the dust had finally settled and all the childrens gifts were opened, the atmosphere began to calm down. The room was tidied up by Mr. Jenkins and a woman Id never met, and some of the smaller children were beginning to fall asleep beneath the tree. Some of the older ones had already gone back to their rooms with their gifts, and theyd dimmed the overhead lights on the way out the door. The tree lights cast an ethereal glow as "Silent Night" played softly on a phonograph that had been set up in the corner. I was still sitting on the floor next to Jamie, who was holding a young girl whod fallen asleep in her lap. Because of all the commotion, we hadnt really had a chance to talk, not that either of us had minded. We were both gazing up at the lights on the tree, and I wondered what Jamie was thinking. If truth be told, I didnt know, but she had a tender look about her. I thought-no,I knew -she was pleased with how the evening had gone, and deep down, so was I. To this point it was the best Christmas Eve Id ever spent.
"Could you open it for me? My hands are kind of full right now." She looked down at the little girl, then back to me.
"You dont have to do it," she said, obviously disappointed. "I was just thinking that since Christmas is coming up so quickly and I dont have a car, itll simply take me too long to collect them all. . . .”
We spent the next hour doing just that, and we watched as the children opened them one by one. Jamie had shopped all over town, picking up a few things for each child in the room, individual gifts that theyd never received before. The gifts that Jamie bought werent the only ones the children received, however-both the orphanage and the people who worked there had bought some things as well. As paper was tossed around the room in excited frenzy, there were squeals of delight everywhere. To me, at least, it seemed that all of the children had received far more than theyd expected, and they kept thanking Jamie over and over.
Jamies transformation during the play had been startling, to say the least, and I assumed it had signaled a change in her. I dont know why I thought that way, but I did, and so I was amazed when she showed up our first morning back dressed like her usual self: brown sweater, hair in a bun, plaid skirt, and all.
"Please," she said to me with the kindest voice Id ever heard, "open it. I want you to have it.”
"Help me hand out the gifts.”
"So am I.”
Jamie smiled and reached for my hand to lead the way. "Cmon with me," she said.
As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, then up to the ceiling and around the room, doing my best to keep my composure, then back to Jamie again. She smiled at me and I smiled at her and all I could do was wonder how Id ever fallen in love with a girl like Jamie Sullivan.
"No," I said cutting her off, "Ill do it. I dont have much to do anyway.”
Looking up at me, she smiled. "Thank you, Landon, for what you did. You made my father very happy.”
So three days later, while my father and mother were at a party at the mayors house, I dressed in a houndstooth jacket and my best tie and walked to my moms car with Jamies present beneath my arm. Id spent my last few dollars on a nice sweater because that was all I could think to get her. She wasnt exactly the easiest person to shop for.
Jamie saw the look on my face.
"How much is there?" I asked. I knew exactly how much it was.
"The two of you did good," he said simply. "Im proud of you, buddy.”
One look was all it took, and I couldnt help but feel sorry for her. Shed been regarded as normal-even special-over the weekend, or so it had seemed, but shed somehow let it slip away. Oh, people were a little nicer to her, and the ones who hadnt talked to her yet told her what a good job shed done, too, but I could tell right off that it wasnt going to last. Attitudes forged since childhood are hard to break, and part of me wondered if it might even get worse for her after this. Now that people actually knew she could look normal, they might even become more heartless.
The third day was even worse. After counting up the money, even I couldnt believe it. There was only $11.52. Those were from the businesses down by the waterfront, where the tourists and teenagers like me hung out. We were really something, I couldnt help but think.
To keep things moving, I didnt stop to check the take in between the businesses. I just dumped one jar or can into the next, combining them as I went along. By the end of the first day all the change was packed in two large jars, and I carried them up to my room. I saw a few bills through the glass-not too many-but I wasnt actually nervous until I emptied the contents onto my floor and saw that the change consisted primarily of pennies. Though there werent nearly as many slugs or paper clips as Id thought there might be, I was still disheartened when I counted up the money. There was $20.32. Even in 1958 that wasnt a lot of money, especially when divided among thirty kids.
She turned from the tree to face me, smiling softly. "You didnt have to do that." She kept her voice low, too, and it sounded almost musical.
Compared with the joy Id seen earlier, I didnt expect much of a reaction.
To clear my mind, I looked at the gift and started opening it, picking at the tape so that it wouldnt make much noise, then unwrapping the paper until I reached the box. After setting the paper off to the side, I lifted the cover and pulled out the sweater, holding it up to show her. It was brown, like the ones she usually wore. But I figured she could use a new one.
"Please, Landon," shed said, and with her being so excited and all, I just didnt have the heart to turn her down.
I remembered seeing the containers in places like Cecils Diner and the Crown Theater. My friends and I used to toss paper clips and slugs in there when the cashiers werent looking, since they sounded sort of like a coin being dropped inside, then wed chuckle to ourselves about how we were putting something over on Jamie. We used to joke about how shed open one of her cans, expecting something good because of the weight, and shed dump it out and find nothing but slugs and paper clips. Sometimes, when you remember the things you used to do, it makes you wince, and thats exactly what I did.
"Its okay," I said, smiling, thinking how nice she looked.
On the table beside the door, there was a bowl of punch and platters of cookies, shaped like Christmas trees and sprinkled with green sugar. I could see some adults sitting with the children; a few of the smaller kids were sitting on the adults laps, their faces rapt with attention as they listened to " Twas the Night Before Christmas.”
Jamie had given me her Bible.
I didnt help Jamie pick out the toys-I figured shed know better what the kids would want anyway-but shed insisted that I go with her to the orphanage on Christmas Eve so that I could be there when the children opened their gifts.
"Youre welcome," I said, meaning it.
I didnt see Jamie, though, at least not right off the bat. It was her voice that I recognized first. She was the one reading the story, and I finally located her. She was sitting on the floor in front of the tree with her legs bent beneath her.
"Landon," she said to me after counting it up, "this is a miracle!”
So thats what I did starting Wednesday, even though I had tests to study for, even with that application needing to be finished. Jamie had given me a list of every place shed placed a can, and I borrowed my moms car and started at the far end of town the following day. Shed put out about sixty cans in all, and I figured that it would take only a day to collect them all. Compared to putting them out, it would be a piece of cake. It had taken Jamie almost six weeks to do because shed first had to find sixty empty jars and cans and then she could put out only two or three a day since she didnt have a car and could carry only so many at a time. When I started out, I felt sort of funny about being the one who picked up the cans and jars, being that it was Jamies project, but I kept telling myself that Jamie had asked me to help.
Seeing how little had been collected in all-$55.73-made me feel awful, especially considering that the jars had been out for almost a whole year and that I myself had seen them countless times. That night I was supposed to call Jamie to tell her the amount Id collected, but I just couldnt do it. Shed told me how shed wanted something extra special this year, and this wasnt going to do it-even I knew that. Instead I lied to her and told her that I wasnt going to count the total until the two of us could do it together, because it was her project, not mine. It was just too depressing. I promised to bring over the money the following afternoon, after school let out. The next day was December 21, the shortest day of the year. Christmas was only four days away.
The following Monday was our last week of school before Christmas break, and finals were scheduled in every class. In addition, I had to finish my application for UNC, which Id sort of been putting off because of all the rehearsals. I planned on hitting the books pretty hard that week, then doing the application at night before I went to bed. Even so, I couldnt help but think about Jamie.
She asked if I wouldnt mind gathering the pickle jars and coffee cans shed set out in businesses all over town early in the year. They sat on the counters, usually near the cash registers, so that people could drop their loose change in. The money was to go to the orphans. Jamie never wanted to ask people straight out for the money, she wanted them to give voluntarily. That, in her mind, was the Christian thing to do.
I was supposed to be at the orphanage at seven, but the bridge was up near the Morehead City port, and I had to wait until an outbound freighter slowly made its way down the channel. As a result, I arrived a few minutes late. The front door was already locked by that time, and I had to pound on it until Mr. Jenkins finally heard me. He fiddled through his set of keys until he found the right one, and a moment later he opened the door. I stepped inside, patting my arms to ward off the chill.
"Im glad it worked out better this year," I said through the lump that had formed in my throat. "If you hadnt placed those jars out so early in the year, you might not have collected nearly as much.”
Id picked up only about twenty containers or so, because Id forgotten one simple fact of life in Beaufort. In a small town like this, it was impossible to simply run inside and grab the can without chatting with the proprietor or saying hello to someone else you might recognize. It just wasnt done. So Id sit there while some guy would be talking about the marlin hed hooked last fall, or theyd ask me how school was going and mention that they needed a hand unloading a few boxes in the back, or maybe they wanted my opinion on whether they should move the magazine rack over to the other side of the store. Jamie, I knew, would have been good at this, and I tried to act like I thought she would want me to. It was her project after all.
I turned away without responding and reached off to the side where Id set my glass of punch. The chorus of "Silent Night" was still playing, and the music filled the room. I took a sip of the punch, trying to soothe the sudden dryness in my throat. As I drank, all the times Id spent with Jamie came flooding into my mind. I thought about the homecoming dance and what shed done for me that night. I thought about the play and how angelic shed looked. I thought about the times Id walked her home and how Id helped collect jars and cans filled with pennies for the orphans.
"Its beautiful, Landon," she said earnestly. "Ill wear it the next time I see you. Thank you.”
Little tears were coming down her cheeks as she looked around the room, still not believing what she was seeing right in front of her. Even after the play, she hadnt been nearly this happy. She looked right at me.
"Do you remember those things you said on our last walk home?" she asked.
I glanced at her. With the lights glowing on her face, she looked as pretty as anyone Id ever seen.
I nodded, wishing she hadnt brought it up.
I didnt think she wanted to talk to me, either, to tell you the truth. I knew she could see me hanging out with my friends at lunch while she sat off in the corner, reading her Bible, but she never made a move toward us. But as I was leaving school that day, I heard her voice behind me, asking me if I wouldnt mind walking her home. Even though I wasnt ready to tell her yet about my thoughts, I agreed. For old times sake, you see.
By then Mr. Jenkins had slipped away.
"You promised to make it up to me," she said.
"Thank you for doing what you did," she whispered to me. "It was the best Christmas Ive ever had.”
"You dont have to open it now, if youd rather not," I said, shrugging, "its really not that big of a deal.”
"Ah . . . youre here," he said happily. "Weve been waiting for you. Cmon, Ill take you to where everyone is.”
Reluctantly I slowly unwrapped the package. When it was finally free of the paper, I held it gently, afraid to damage it. I stared at it, mesmerized, and slowly ran my hand over the top, brushing my fingers over the well-worn leather as tears filled my eyes. Jamie reached out and rested her hand on mine. It was warm and soft.
We sat quietly for a moment, and once again I began to look at the lights.
A minute later Jamie got down to business.
I glanced at her, not knowing what to say.
"You cant give this to me," I said breathlessly. I already knew what was inside, and I couldnt believe what she had done. My hands beganto tremble.
"Im sorry we started without you," she said when she finally reached me, "but the kids were just so excited.”
"Do you think thats enough?" I asked innocently.
"I bought you something," I finally said to her. "A gift, I mean." I spoke softly so I wouldnt wake the little girl, and I hoped it would hide the nervousness in my voice.
"I brought you something, too," Jamie finally whispered. She looked toward the tree, and my eyes followed her gaze. Her gift was still beneath the tree, partially hidden by the stand, and I reached for it. It was rectangular, flexible, and a little heavy. I brought it to my lap and held it there without even trying to open it.
For a moment I was confused. I thought Id done that already with my performance in the play. Jamie went on.
The strange thing was, when she said it, I realized that Hegbert would be driving her home, and for once I wished that I would have had the opportunity to walk her there.
I went from business to business, collecting the cans and jars, and by end of the first day I realized it was going to take a little longer than Id thought.
Jamie paused only once to look up from the story. She noticed me standing in the doorway, then went back to reading to the children. It took her another minute or so to finish, and when she did, she stood up and smoothed her skirt, then walked around the children to make her way toward me. Not knowing where she wanted me to go, I stayed where I was.
"Dont be silly," she said. "I would only open it in front of you.”
It was even better than Id imagined.
"See, thats all. I told you it wasnt much," I said. I hoped she wasnt disappointed in it.
"Open it," she said, looking right at me.
After they finally let go of each other, Hegbert proudly motioned for her to visit with the rest of the cast, and she got a boatload of congratulations from everyone backstage. She knew shed done well, though she kept on telling people she didnt know what all the fuss was about. She was her normal cheerful self, but with her looking so pretty, it came across in a totally different way. I stood in the background, letting her have her moment, and Ill admit there was a part of me that felt like old Hegbert. I couldnt help but be happy for her, and a little proud as well. When she finally saw me standing off to one side, she excused herself from the others and walked over, finally stopping when she was close.
"Well, Ive been thinking about what you could do," she continued without letting me get a word in edgewise, "and this is what Ive come up with.”
"Im so glad you could come.”
In the center of the room I saw a giant tree, decorated with tinsel and colored lights and a hundred different handmade ornaments. Beneath the tree, spread in all directions, were wrapped gifts of every size and shape. They were piled high, and the children were on the floor, sitting close together in a large semicircle. They were dressed in their best clothes, I assumed-the boys wore navy blue slacks and white collared shirts, while the girls had on navy skirts and long-sleeved blouses. They all looked as if theyd cleaned up before the big event, and most of the boys had had their hair cut.
While he said it, Miss Garber was crying out, "Marvelous!" to anyone who would listen to her or who just happened to be walking past, repeating it over and over so much that I kept on hearing it long after I went to bed that night. I looked for Jamie after wed pulled the curtains closed for the final time, and spotted her off to the side, with her father. He had tears in his eyes-it was the first time Id ever seen him cry-and Jamie went into his arms, and they held each other for a long time. He was stroking her hair and whispering, "My angel," to her while her eyes were closed, and even I felt myself choking up.
I wanted to talk to her about my impressions, I really did, but I was planning to do so after the week was over. Not only did I have a lot to do, but I wanted a little time to think of the best way to tell her. To be honest, I was still feeling a little guilty about the things Id said to her on our last walk home, and it wasnt just because the play had turned out great. It had more to do with the fact that in all our time together, Jamie had never once been anything but kind, and I knew that Id been wrong.
"I know," I said. "But I wanted to." Id kept the gift off to one side, and I reached for it, handing the gift-wrapped package to her.
I didnt get discouraged, though. Thinking that it was a mistake, I went out the next day, hauled a few dozen boxes, and chatted with another twenty proprietors while I collected cans and jars. The take: $23.89.
"Theres almost two hundred and forty-seven dollars here!" She was absolutely joyous as she looked up at me. Since Hegbert was home, I was allowed to sit in the living room, and thats where Jamie had counted the money. It was stacked in neat little piles all over the floor, almost all quarters and dimes. Hegbert was in the kitchen at the table, writing his sermon, and even he turned his head when he heard the sound of her voice.
"Its . . . wonderful," she said, smiling. There was more emotion than Id ever heard in her voice before. "Last year, I only collected seventy dollars.”
