She knew he meant not like Tony Makarios; not like those poor lost daemons at Bolvangar; were still one being; both of us are one.
The enormousness of the task silenced them. Lyra looked up at the blazing sky.
“Too many people will want to. They wont be able to prevent them. This will mean the end of the Church, Marisa, the end of the Magisterium, the end of all those centuries of darkness! Look at that light up there: thats the sun of another world! Feel the warmth of it on your skin, now!”
Then her mother turned, shaking with silent sobs, and moved down the mountain and out of Lyras sight.
“We could look for it too, Pan!” she said.
She was aware of how small they were, she and her daemon, in comparison with the majesty and vastness of the universe; and of how little they knew, in comparison with the profound mysteries above them.
“Come with me!” he said, urgent, powerful. “Come and work with me!”
Mrs. Coulter hesitated; her eyes closed, she seemed to sway as if she were fainting; but she kept her balance and opened her eyes again, with an infinite beautiful sadness in them.
“And the Oblation Board and the Church and Bolvangar and Mrs. Coulter and all, they want to destroy it too, dont they?”
I followed her footsteps up....”
“What? What?”
“And weve got the alethiometer,” she said. “Yeah. I reckon weve got to do it, Pan. Well go up there and well search for Dust, and when weve found it well know what to do.”
His hands, still clasping her head, tensed suddenly and drew her toward him in a passionate kiss. Lyra thought it seemed more like cruelty than love, and looked at their daemons, to see a strange sight: the snow leopard tense, crouching with her claws just pressing in the golden monkeys flesh, and the monkey relaxed, blissful, swooning on the snow.
“Weve heard them all talk about Dust, and theyre so afraid of it, and you know what? We believed them, eventhough we could see that what they were doing was wicked and evil and wrong....We thought Dust must be bad too, because they were grown up and they said so. But what if it isnt? What if its—”
Such a vault of wonders she had never seen.
“I wanted to break out, Marisa! And I have. Look, look at the palm trees waving on the shore! Can you feel that wind? A wind from another world! Feel it on your hair, on your face....”
“Is that what you wanted? To choke us and kill us all with sin and darkness?”
She turned away. Behind them lay pain and death and fear; ahead of them lay doubt, and danger, and fathomless mysteries. But they werent alone.
Lyra watched her coldly, and then looked up toward the sky.
And their mouths were fastened together with a powerful greed. Their daemons were playing fiercely; the snow leopard rolled over on her back, and the monkey raked his claws in the soft fur of her neck, and she growled a deep rumble of pleasure.
Pantalaimon went on:
“And well do it,” she said.
“Not so. You took her in; you tried to mold her. You wanted her then.”
“Theyll forbid it! Theyll seal it off and excommunicate anyone who tries!”
“No—no—theyre coming, Asriel—they know where Ive gone-”
“We could get to it before he does,” he went on, “and....”
“Then take her and welcome. Shes more yours than mine, Asriel.”
Shewas still holding Rogers body. Pantalaimon was saying something, but her mind was ablaze, and she didnt hear until he pressed his wildcat claws into the back of her hand to make her. She blinked.
Mrs. Coulter pulled fiercely back from the kiss and said, “No, Asriel—my place is in this world, not that—”
She said breathlessly, “Yeah! What if its really good...”
So Lyra and her dsmon turned away from the world they were born in, and looked toward the sun, and walked into the sky.
She looked at him and saw his green wildcat eyes ablaze with her own excitement.
“No,” she said. “No.”
“You? Dare not? Your child would come. Your child would dare anything, and shame her mother.”
Rogers body lay still in her arms. She let him down gently.
“We couldnt work together, you and I.”
“Next time well check everything and ask all the questions we can think of, then. Well do better next time.”
If I were her, Id run, and keep on running, sooner than give you a third chance.”
“She was too coarse, too stubborn. Id left it too late....But where is she now?
“And wed be alone. lorek Byrnison couldnt follow us and help. Nor could Farder Coram or Serafina Pekkala, or Lee Scoresby or no one.”
The woman clung to Lord Asriel as if she were dizzy, and shook her head, distressed.
“I dont know? I? No one in the world knows better than I how strong the Church is! But it isnt strong enough for this. The Dust will change everything, anyway. Theres no stopping it now.”
“We could,” Pantalaimon insisted. “We came all this way, didnt we? We could do it.”
“Then come with me, away and out of this world!”
If Dust were a good thing...If it were to be sought and welcomed and cherished...
Their daemons were apart again. Lord Asriel reached down and curled his strong fingers into the snow leopards fur. Then he turned his back and walked away without another word. The golden monkey leaped into Mrs. Coulters arms, making little sounds of distress, reaching out to the snow leopard as she paced away, and Mrs. Coulters face was a mask of tears. Lyra could see them glinting; they were real.
“Because if they all think Dust is bad, it must be good.”
“Why should I want to destroy you?” he said, laughing, with the light of the other world shining around his head. “Come with me, work with me, and Ill care whether you live or die. Stay here, and you lose my interest at once. Dont flatter yourself that Id give you a seconds thought. Now stay and work your mischief in this world, or come with me.”
“We got it wrong, though, Pan. We got it all wrong about Roger. We thought we were helping him....” She choked, and kissed Rogers still face clumsily, several times. “We got it wrong,” she said.
That was what he wanted to hear.
“Dust!” he said.
“If I dont come, youll try and destroy me,” said Mrs. Coulter, breaking away.
The city hanging there so empty and silent looked new-made, waiting to be occupied; or asleep, waiting to be woken. The sun of that world was shining into this, making Lyras hands golden, melting the ice on Rogers wolfskin hood, making his pale cheeks transparent, glistening in his open sightless eyes.
“No? You and I could take the universe to pieces and put it together again, Marisa! We could find the source of Dust and stifle it forever! And youd like to be part of that great work; dont lie to me about it. Lie about everything else, lie about the Oblation Board, lie about your lovers—yes, I know about Boreal, and I care nothing—lie about the Church, lie about the child, even, but dont lie about what you truly want....”
“Yeah...Or stop it affecting people...Why?”
“Thats what he said.”
She didnt speak. A little hiccup of excitement leaped in her chest.
“Dust. Hes going to find the source of Dust and destroy it, isnt he?”
“Just us, then. Dont matter. Were not alone, anyway; not like....”
“I darent—”
“What are you talking about?”
Lord Asriel pushed back Mrs. Coulters hood and turned her head to the sky, running his hands through her hair. Lyra watched breathless, not daring to move a muscle.
“They are stronger than anyone, Asriel! You dont know—”
She felt wrenched apart with unhappiness. And with anger, too; she could have killed her father; if she could have torn out his heart, she would have done so there and then, for what hed done to Roger. And to her: tricking her: how dare he?
“You want her, still? Twice youve tried to hold her, and twice shes got away.
She felt dizzy, as if the whole world were turning beneath her.
