`And thats the jury-box, thought Alice, `and those twelve creatures, (she was obliged to say `creatures, you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they are the jurors. She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men would have done just as well.
`He denies it, said the King: `leave out that part.
`I deny it! said the March Hare.
`Theyre putting down their names, the Gryphon whispered in reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
`That I cant remember, said the Hatter.
`Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said-- the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
`Well, if I must, I must, theKing said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What are tarts made of?
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert! on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
`The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite away!
`Dont talk nonsense, said Alice more boldly: `you know youre growing too.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
`You may go, said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
`Then you may SIT down, the King replied.
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg pardon, your Majesty, he began, `for bringing these in: but I hadnt quite finished my tea when I was sent for.
`Youve no right to grow here, said the Dormouse.
`Herald, read the accusation! said the King.
`Stolen! the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
The next witness was the Duchesss cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
`Im a poor man, the Hatter went on, `and most things twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--
`Id rather finish my tea, said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
`Im a poor man, your Majesty, the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, `--and I hadnt begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--
`I cant help it, said Alice very meekly: `Im growing.
`The twinkling of the what? said the King.
`Fifteenth, said the March Hare.
`--and just take his head off outside, the Queen added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.
`Not yet, not yet! the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `Theres a great deal to come before that!
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. `Thats the judge, she said to herself, `because of his great wig.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. `What are they doing? Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They cant have anything to put down yet, before the trials begun.
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
`Im glad Ive seen that done, thought Alice. `Ive so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant till now.
`You did! said the Hatter.
`Come, that finished the guinea-pigs! thought Alice. `Now we shall get on better.
`Take off your hat, the King said to the Hatter.
`But what did the Dormouse say? one of the jury asked.
Who Stole the Tarts?
`Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace, said the Dormouse: `not in that ridiculous fashion. And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
`Give your evidence, said the King.
`Call the first witness, said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First witness!
`Of course twinkling begins with a T! said the King sharply. `Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!
`Give your evidence, said the King; `and dont be nervous, or Ill have you executed on the spot.
`Pepper, mostly, said the cook.
`Collar that Dormouse, the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. `Im a poor man, your Majesty, he began.
`Give your evidence, the King repeated angrily, `or Ill have you executed, whether youre nervous or not.
`I keep them to sell, the Hatter added as an explanation; `Ive none of my own. Im a hatter.
`Never mind! said the King, with an air of great relief. `Call the next witness. And he added in an undertone to the Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
`Sixteenth, added the Dormouse.
`Treacle, said a sleepy voice behind her.
`I didnt! the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
`Call the next witness! said the King.
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, `--for they havent got much evidence YET, she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
`It isnt mine, said the Hatter.
`You MUST remember, remarked the King, `or Ill have you executed.
`It began with the tea, the Hatter replied.
`I cant go no lower, said the Hatter: `Im on the floor, as it is.
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things! on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didnt know how to spell `stupid, and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slatesll be in before the trials over! thought Alice.
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I think it was, he said.
`If thats all you know about it, you may stand down, continued the King.
`I wish you wouldnt squeeze so. said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.
`Shant, said the cook.
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--`I wish theyd get the trial done, she thought, `and hand round the refreshments! But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.
`Stupid things! Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in the court! and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.
`You ought to have finished, said the King. `When did you begin?
`Youre a very poor speaker, said the King.
`After that, continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread- and-butter--
`Consider your verdict, the King said to the jury.
`Write that down, the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
