A very long silence followed. I looked down at my hands and I tried to think. Ive tried hard to do my duty; but clearly it isnt enough for Her Majesty Queen Hedvig.
"Madame!" she interrupted me sharply. "I must beg you to forget this. This Persson never knew your father, and you certainly never gave him lessons. Do you understand me?"
"In Paris I shant call myself a crown princess," I declared. I felt tears coming into eyes, but I didnt cry. I refused to give the cruel old women that pleasure. "Your Majesty can choose another name for me. May I go now?"
"Madame, my Papa was greatly respected person in Marseilles. My brother Etienne is still one of the best silk merchants in France."
"Youre going back!" the Queen said. "When did you decide that, madame? And where will you live in France? Have you a palace there?"
I looked up. "Why not?" I demanded.
"No. Its a present from the queen Mother," said the countess. "She used to wear them often. Now she only wears black clothes, without any jewels."
"Thats not very wise, Desiree," Marie said.
One day I said to her: "Marie, I want you to look for Monsieur Persson. If you find him, invited himto come here. I want to see him."
"I have only one more thing to tell you, madame," she said. "You must never forget the position of our dear son, the Crown Prince."
My eyes grew wide. "Persson has dangerous ideas?"
"Only special shops are allowed to supply things to the royal family. His shop is not among them. It never will be. I have received a report about him. He has dangerous ideas."
"Ive just decided at this moment, " I told her. "I have no palace in France. I hate all palaces and castles. I have an ordinary house in Paris. Its good enough for me."
I started to drink my tea too quickly, and it burnt my tongue.
"At court ceremony the Crown Princess must talk politely to everyone. But you just stand and say nothing."
"I want to talk to you, dear daughter," the Queen said. Princess Sofia showed her long teeth in an ugly smile. The queen Mothers face showed nothing; she was starting into her cup. "Do you think that you are doing your duty as Crown Princess of Sweden?"
The Queen had jewels in her hair, and a diamond ring shone on her finger. "Sit down, madame," she said.
I didnt wait for her permission to go. I just got up and went to the door. Then I bowed. "Madame," I said. "In Marseilles the spring has come. The gardens are full of flowers. As soon as the weather here is warmer, I shall go back to France."
Marie promised.
"Yes. He was in France during the revolution. He pretended that he went to learn the silk business. But since his return he has been spreading the ideas of the revolution. Many teachers and writers have learnt them from him."
"Why doesnt the King give his royal power to the Crown Prince?" La Flotte asked. "Even when he is well, he cant use it. He goes to sleep during his councils discussions. In these dangerous times Sweden needs a strong ruler."
I folded my hands on my knee and I let her talk. Her ideas seemed endless. But even a royal tea party cant last for ever. Suddenly she said something that woke me up.
The next day, the Queen invited me to have tea with her. The Queen Mother was there when I arrived. So was Princess Sofia. They were sewing with gaily coloured silks.
The next night, the King and queen held a dance for us. The Swedish ladies wore wonderful jewels, especially diamonds. After the dance Countess Lewenhaupt brought me a pair of diamond earrings.
"Is that a present from the Queen?" I asked. Perhaps I looked too poor because I wore no jewels?
An equerry? Did she mean Villatte? "Ive known Colonel Villatte for many years," I said. "We have had happy times together in France, and we talk about them."
That made me angry. "Youve just told me to forget my father. Now you tell me not to forget my husband. I never forget anything or anybody. Please remember that, Your Majesty!"
Oscar has learnt a lot. He had three Swedish teachers, and he plays with Swedish children. He has a lot of young friends here already. I have no friend, except Marie.
I didnt wait for her answer. I shut the door violently behind me, and I went straight to Jeans study.
"You must forget that, madame. You are the crown Princess of Sweden now."
"Its not good enough for the Crown Princess of Sweden."
"I dont know," I said. "Ive never been a Crown Princess before. Ive had no practice."
"A person who isnt clever cant discuss things with clever people, madame," I replied. "So she had to stay silent."
"Your old maid has been asking about a silk merchant called Persson. You cannot buy anything at his shop, madame."
"The Swedish people," the Queen went on, "expect their Crown Princess to behave in a royal manner. Unfortunately you disappoint them." She looked at me coldly over the top of her cup. "So I must tell you, dear daughter, how a Crown Princess should behave. She should not, for example, go for drives with only an equerry. A lay-in-waiting should always go with her also."
One day the King was very ill. Countess Lewenhaupt brought the news. I heard her telling Miss Koskull and La Flotte in my sitting room. I myself was in the bedroom, and the door wasnt quite shut.
"I dont quite understand, madame," I said. "Persson lived in our house in Marseilles. He worked in my fathers shop. I myself gave him French lessons every evening. We leart the Rights of Man together.We---"
Ive been very unhappy since that first night in Stockholm.
Princess Sofia made a noise like a goat. Was it meant to be a laugh? I wasnt sure.
They went on sewing, in silence, till the tea came. Then the servants went out. So did the ladies-in-waiting. I was alone with those three old women.
Its true. I dont behave like a royal person. I wasnt brought up in a palace. But Ive tired to learn their customs and their language. Ive had a Swedish lesson every day. Jay er, I am; han er, he is. Its much too difficult for me.
"I dont care whether its wise or not. Hes an old friend. He knew our home in Marseilles. He knew Papa and Mama. Hell remember those happy days when I was young, Marie. You must find him!"
"The Queen wont allow it," the countess replied. "If she did, the Crown Prince would have to do the Queens duties. But the Crown Princess doesnt behave like a royal person. The Queen is ashamed of her. She had told the Crown Prince so."
I enjoyed that moment. The Queens face showed sudden fear. The Princess Sofia almost dropped her cup. Even the old Queen Mother looked ashamed.
I wore them on Jeans birthday. The Queen held a party for him. Some noblemen and their ladies acted a play. It was a piece of ancient Swedish history. Miss Koskull had planned it, and she gave herself the most important part. She smiled like a cat when Jean clapped at the end.
